Like a Handprint on my heart

The haunting melody of “Ubi Caritas” floats in the air spinning and twirling as it hits the ancient stones above and comes to rest gently and softly on the ears of the listeners.  The cathedral is vast… tall, wide, long; built of stone and beautifully ornate inside.  But the visuals aren’t the focus of that moment.  Instead both singer and listener alike are captivated by the sounds that fill the slightly chilled air.  It is a melody filled with the idea of love for God and each other.  In the heart of each singer beats a love for music and for one another.  Although the words have been sung countless times, each singer sings it with a fresh energy, for this is perhaps the last time they will ever sing together in a place like this.  This is one moment in time that will forever be in the past, so they must live to the fullest in the present.  With focused breath and intent eyes they watch their conductor, yet the emotion and truth of the moment is apparent.  The conductor moves in a beautifully seamless dance that inspires and wills the singers to follow, her face expressing the same emotion as the choir. For those two minutes of wafting angelic sounds, all pain and sorrow, frustration and confusion is lost.  It is replaced by a sense of purpose and of belonging.  No longer are they solo singers, instead they are a living and breathing unit, working in sync to create perfect harmonies. 

As I sing, my eyes begin to cloud over with tears and my heart quickens.  I am stunned once again at the emotion of our music.  Each moment is precious and never to be taken for granted.  The voices around me swell as the musical phrase arcs.  I breathe deeply and feel the stability and support around me.  This is community.  Then, it hits me, and the tears spill from the corners of my eyes: these experiences are about to be over, never to be again repeated.  These people, who have entered my life, have changed me for forever.  The beauty, good, and friendship they have brought into my life overwhelms me, and it is in that moment that I truly begin to see the absolute honor and blessing to claim a community like this choir.  There truly is no such feeling as when you belong. 

These other singers... they are people who have entered my life over time, making me forget what life was like without them.  They have become my family.  They have become my inspiration and challenge.  Our time together is short and perhaps will never occur again.  This makes me thankful for the undeserved blessing of being with them.  Pictures of smiles and hugs and tears and laughter flash across my memory.  I look around me once again, feeling the surge of emotional energy as the song comes to an end.  The moments are quickly moving into history and I know there is no other group of people that I would rather make history with. 

So thank you Concert Choir for welcoming me, loving me, and allowing me to be part of a team that creates love, memories, and music.  Traveling to Europe with you was one of most memorable and moving experiences of my life.  My heart is overflowing with gratefulness.  You have helped keep the song in my heart and the smile on my face.  My life has been changed by each of you.  I am humbled. 

One of the best ways to sum this up....lyrics from “For Good” from the musical “Wicked”.  When I heard these I burst into tears, because it seemed as though they had been written specifically for this time. 

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend.

Sometimes you just gotta have lunch

Wednesday.  It's always my full, crazy, busy day.  In general I am always stressed.  Yesterday was no different.  That morning I had gone through three classes feeling sick to my stomach because of how much I was thinking I needed to do.  Finally after choir I felt better... enough to get food.

As I walked to get food I grabbed my Bible and a Piper book... intent on still being "productive" while eating.  But planned out ideas hardly ever go your way.

I saw Jeremiah eating outside... put my stuff down, got food.  Sat down and started talking about God.  Five minutes later there three more people from choir and we were talking music.  For those first few minutes of talking I was stressed... I had to get away, I needed to practice, study.  I was wasting time.

But slowly I forgot about what I "needed" to do and became more engaged in making friends and just being alive.

An hour later the four of us parted ways... knowing each other better after having laughed, talked, and eaten for sixty minutes.  I walked away with a smile on my face and energy in my step.  I was reminded that... sometimes you just gotta have lunch.  Thanks Jeremiah, Collin, and Jordan.  Needed that lunch and people time... thanks for reminding me to live life and make new friends. :)

My life.... at this point... and thus far.

My life... its cool.

I have the amazing privilege of living with five precious women who all love Jesus.


We love each other so its pretty great!

I am a small group Bible study leader Grace J. at our church. That is humbling, sobering, and wonderfully challenging. God has fantastic things in store for this community!




And once again... music. Its still there. Always... I sing, accompany, play piano like crazy, learn the oboe, and learn the bassoon. I am blessed.



My cooking is improving! I love making new recipes and cooking for others. What fun!



But best of all, I have been learning more about Jesus! I am becoming so crazy excited about the Gospel and grace and what Jesus does for His children. I so love reading God's Word!


All in all... its rad. I am blessed. Crazy ridiculously blessed. Its all because of Jesus.

A song y'all will like

So my friends have a band. And they are good. And I like their songs a lot. You will too.
Here is my favorite.

Overdue in the New Year

So I haven't written in ages.
But I have an excuse.... life.
Its amazing how much can happen over the span of 3 weeks.
I have to sit back and marvel because in a way it seems like its been months (when its really been weeks) and then it seems like yesterday. I guess thats how life works. Frankly I don't always understand life. Actually maybe its more like I very rarely understand it.
Its hard to know where to begin, what event or idea do you name? What takes precedence over all others? Is it even worth naming? What has impacted me the most?
Well... I suppose I should write the short story, because if you know me at all, then you know the long story will be *long*.

December 18 - two of my best friends married each other. To say this was a momentous time in my life is an understatement. I have never had such mixed emotions before. My smile couldn't get any bigger when they became man and wife, and yet I pretty much bawled my eyes the next day. Ah life. They were beautiful, still are beautiful, and are just the cutest married couple ever.

December 25th - the first Christmas without Grandpa. I read a letter I wrote to him at our family gathering. God is good. But I still miss Grandpa a lot.

December 28th - the wedding party minus the bride and groom comes over to my house. It was a night filled with fun, laughter, pizza, root beer, movies, and seriousness. Great friends!

December 31 - Watched movies to welcome the New Year. Barely made it to midnight and then went to sleep before my parents.

And now... its 2011. That kinda leaves me speechless. I'm pretty sure this year is going to be unbelievably awesome. Its been in existence for 8 days, yet so far its pretty cool.

My favorites so far... in absolutely no particular order...
* Fun long talk with Emily S. at a New Years Party - thanks for hanging out with me
* Holding Annalynne D. for the first time and admiring her perfection - what a beautiful family!
* Starting my 11th quarter of college... thats just wrong
* Going to a boy's high school basketball game with 5 of my all-time favorite ladies -Go Storm
* Watching the old Star Trek with my sister - space
* Being completely disorganized the night before school started and not caring - why not?
* Realizing the sin in judging and the value of having a good quality friend - thanks Braden Z.
* Letting my fingers fly during music at Grace - I love music!
* Late night talk with Kelsey S. about everything pertaining to singleness - boyfriends at the same time Kels!
* God showing me sin and giving me grace - I am so unworthy
* Seeing Emily A. for the first time in months - How I miss that girl!
* Games with old friends - its amazing how many fantastic friends I have!
* TobyMac - such good music
* Bach and Lizst - the thorns in my side
* Going to bed before 10pm on a school night - history was made

In short... my year, short though it has been, has been packed full of blessing already!
Thank you Lord! Happy New Year!

Multiple families

Throughout our lives we have different groups of people we associate and hang out with. I myself have many different groups that I call my families. My own biological family, church, friends, school, music, and these lovely people (many are not shown in the pictures below... because there are too many to fit in one pic).
This past weekend I had the amazing opportunity to spend 3 days with some of the coolest people ever. We prayed, laughed, cried, screamed, snored, danced, and ate together. We sang, shivered, talked, ran, and worked together.
It was a weekend of memories and spiritual growth and I come away from this experience with a greater love for Jesus in my heart and a love for my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. And so this particular family of mine (name of group will remain anonymous) continues to grow and I am so excited about all the amazing people I get to know better and how they will better shape me to be more like Christ.

Team Clay - Christ Loving Awesome Youngsters whose goal it is to be molded by Jesus. This cool group of people was my "small group" family this past weekend. We shared serious times of heart to heart conversation, hilarious laughter, intense competition, and ernest prayer to the Lord.

Although busy with school, spending a weekend looking at this scenery does a heart good!

Gathering in my "large" group was awesome too. We had wonderful times of sharing, worship, prayer, learning, and laughter. When 80 people get together to learn more about Jesus, cool things happen!

Team Clay and other teams in an intense round of "flour in the sock". I have never played a game like this, and I will never forget the memories of this time.

And of course Team Clay stood strong, winning the final round with their general (yours truly) carrying the banner proudly to the victory!

Wonderful meals... a time to hang out with new people and then leave with them being friends!

One of my favorite friends named Kristy! We had yummy hamburgers for lunch that day. Also, it is really cold outside.

Each table was covered in paper and loaded with crayons, markers, and paint. Hence we relied on our childhood to inspire us once again and the creative juices began to flow once more.

Team time - A cool time, a blessed time, a fun time, a memorable time, a bonding, a totally God-honoring and God-present time!

Friends as years pass

We have known each other for years... so many years now that I have lost track, but I am pretty sure I would need my fingers and now my toes to count. We don't see each other often, unless of course we are in the same choir. But those occurrences have slimmed to almost never and I know it will be a few years before that could change.

This past week Jana and I got together for coffee and you would have never guessed that it has been over a year since we have spent time over coffee getting to know each other. There is no awkward moments... no silences... no wondering what to say next. We are kindred spirits, and have always been. I smile now to think of all the times we have spent together over the years, mostly in musical settings (which make the memories all the more special). We have talked and giggled, sighed and panicked over choir. We have spent time together drinking coffee and laughing. We have spent birthdays together. We sing soprano together, that alone should explain our camaraderie. :)

I love this girl! She is such an encouragement to me, with her bright smile and sweet words. When we get together I feel like no time has passed and we are still little girls with high voices and no clue of what was to come in life. And yet, here we are, two grown women with real adult lives and decisions to make. How did that happen?!

How time flies!

I know that no matter what happens over the course of our lives and wherever we end up as time passes, Jana will be there for me. A friend who never fails and a friend who can pick up right where you left off as though no time had passed since you last saw each other. Its so cool to have a friend like this. Praise the Lord for blessing me with Jana!

Pain, Numbers, and Black Belts

This past weekend, my sister and I set off on an adventure of unknown proportions which delt with areas of life which were at that time unmapped. We came out of the experience with a large quantity of learned material, a renewed energy, sore bodies, and pages of notes. What was this experience that I speak so highly of? Well, how about I give you the long-ish version of that! ;)

On Friday morning, I woke up at the rather indecent hour of 4:30am and pulled on some clothes, grabbed a half-filled backpack and headed out the door. At 6:30am, a 15-passenger van pulled away from the karate school, filled with people headed for an instructor training conference approximately 5 hours south.

Now, I have to admit that I was rather dreading this long trip because truthfully I can tend to get rather grumpy on trips longer than 15 minutes. And so in my mind, how could a 5 hour trip be fun when there are 8 people in a van and you sit for that long?! Well, I was proven quite wrong... something of which I am happy for. The trip down turned into a laughter-filled, cookie happy, and hot drive, complete with martial arts fights along the way.
On a side note, no long-distance trip is complete without cell phones, texting, and many uses of cell phone cameras. Here are some pictures which prove my point as well as show that I myself and one of those "cell phone users".

Upon arrive at our destination, we all piled out of the car, and completed a quick tour of the martial arts school before we had a bite to eat.

The first seminar got off to a rather late start, but we all still got our mental and physical workouts for the day. Half of our group went to the marketing seminar and the other half went to the grappling and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu seminar. I went to the marketing and at times felt like I did way back in pre-calc class... lost and desperately trying to keep up.

But as time wore on, I became used to the jargon and my notes were no longer merely writing down what the speaker said, but rather writing down the key points the speaker said, because I was beginning to understand what was key and what wasn't. We learned all about how to advertise and market and the difference between the two and how to better our schools and increase attendance. The seminar wrapped up with a speaker who shared numbers. I got lost from about minute 1 and never regained my footing, although I tried desperately. Let's just say I was a good actress at that point, pretending to look and puzzle over rows of meaningless numbers.

After the seminar we proceeded back to the hotel where we dropped off our things and then went for a walk to the nearby park where things just got better. It was now around 5pm and the day had been sweltering. We had all been having a blast, but the heat was rather oppressive. And so all of us partook in big snow cones, decked in gorgeous rainbow colors and gently situated in adorable plastic bowls. Then we had a good look around the park with its beautiful flowers, old buildings, and unique set up.

And yes, we even discovered the hidden talent of Eli, who can beat any models pose in his grace and charming nature! ;)

Half of our group went back to the school to watch a mass intro.

Mass intros are where a large group of people come for a first-time class and get trained for about 45 minutes and then the owners try to sign people up. It was a great experience and we all learned a lot.

By the time we got back to the hotel, it was 8pm, and to say we were all hungry was an understatement. And so, we all headed off on foot to find seafood. We settled upon a restaurant and more priceless memories ensued.

For me, the cool part was being able to look across the river and see Oregon. And no, we never crossed the state line, although I wanted too!

After a wonderful meal, we ventured back to the hotel, practiced stick fighting, swam, and then played games and talked. For young people, I believe it is quite impressive that we quit our activies and went to sleep before midnight!

The next morning dawned beautiful and after a hearty breakfast complete with pancakes that came fresh out of a machine... we packed up the van and headed out. But I am rushing my story. These follow pictures only begin to touch on the vast array of personality, sense of humor, and memories over the weekend.

This is love... amongst boys. :)

And this my friends is a 12 year old who is exhausted because he only had 6 1/2 hours. Poor kid, he doesn't know whats coming to him!

These are awesome people and our most awesome instructor (man next to Melissa).

And these two pictures show the humor and toughness of some great people! Don't mind Gary's smile... he is tougher than you think! Never mess with these people!

Back to my story... Day 2 was great. Day 2 hurt. Day 2 was my most miserable and sweaty day ever. Day 2 almost killed me.

Day 2 I participated in the physical training portion. What I thought would be good to learn proved exactly that, but in no way that I expected. After 5 minutes of training I began to wonder if I was nuts, and after 10 minutes I began to wonder it everyone was nuts. By 15 minutes, my only thought was trying to do what was being asked. And so the next hour passed! By the end, I was literally soaked with sweat. The mats beneath me were wet. There was not a dry person on the mat (and there were 55 people). I no longer felt a difference between the room full of black belts and myself. We all hurt, were sweaty, and realized there were tons of things we needed to do for our fitness level and that of our students.

After a short lunch break, we commenced more of the same. A total of 4 hours of constant sweat, burning muscles, and a yelling voice, contributed to the hardest and most rewarding of physical "boot camps".

Even now my ribs hurt from the push-ups and random exercises we did.

Around 5:30 we began the long trek home along with 3 additional passengers. That trip was much different that the trip down, but it still had its memories.

Like this one:

Melissa fell asleep, and then moved onto Jason's shoulder without realizing it. Poor guy. A sore shoulder for him and 45 minutes later, she woke up... rather mortified and tired.

And long rides do something to you... so I took pics. Here is a familiar sight...

And here is Mt. Rainer!

And even through the soreness I could not resist a picture of the cute owl at the mall!

What a trip! What memories! What pain!

But what great friends to do it with! You have never felt safer, than when you travel with a van full of black belts!

Us three

When I first started university, I never really thought that I would be able to find some good and true friends. You know the kind that you can do anything with, that kind that love you no matter what, and the kind that love Jesus more than they love you.

But, God was faithful and He blessed me with two amazing friends: Liz and Ulya! Ah, I am not sure how I would have made it through this school year without them. Their joy, love for the Lord, musical talent, and sweet friendship mean so much to me.

What amazing memories we have together too. Being in many of the same classes over the last three quarters has provided us with awesome memories. I love the nights we have spent studying for our history tests... sprawled out on the floor (candy and popcorn surrounded us) with books, notes, and pencils while we endeavor to be studios. Those times of studying always contain many long moments of random conversation, hysterical laughter, or loud yawns.We have spent the night in the computer lab at school as we worked on huge research papers... but during that time we also Facebooked, listened to music, ate candy, and sang the "Coconut" song out loud.

But that adventure wouldn't be complete without a walk around campus at 4:15am as we tried to find unlocked doors, nor would it be right without us finally taking a short nap on one of the practice room floors.

The three of us consistently celebrate seemingly tiny accomplishments... such as juries be done, or history tests or papers completed. But we make each outing a adventure... one in which we always try to do something we have never done.

We have a list... a very LONG list of things we want to do, places we want to go, foods we want to eat, and movies we want to watch... together. Slowly, that list is getting done... but all the while it gets added to.

The three of us are very different.

Ulya is organized, on-time, neat, sweet, caring, and beautiful...

Liz is funny, quick, tender-hearted, and beautiful.

I am... well, we will skip that part.

But then on the other hand...

Uyla worries and therefore I strive to quell those worries.

Liz is late and last minute... and for that I consistently wish her a merry Christmas.

And I am silly, foolish at times, and crazy.

We play piano together, walk to our cars together, eat together, sing together, and study together. I think that people in our department have begun to associate the three of us together. If we go to a concert... we sit together. If we study for a test... we study together.

Even now, I am sitting with them, as the three of us work on our history papers. We are quiet as we type and listen to music. But every once in a while somebody says something... its all part of it. We are sad if we don't see each other for more than a day, and after they return from a weekend home, it feels like I haven't seen them in years. They are the type of friends you feel like you have known forever! I love that about them.

But the best part of this friendship is that we all love Jesus. It is such a huge blessing to me that the three of us can pray together and share our struggles. These two girls have encouraged me and prayed for me so many times over these last 3 quarters. Their encouragement, wisdom, joy, and love have brought me closer to Christ and provided with motivation and inspiration.

I praise the Lord for these wonderful and beautiful women He has placed in my life! And Liz and Uyla, I love you my friends!

There are times....

There are times like this one...

Many people would say that these 4 people were being immature.

But I beg to differ. Sure three of these people are college students... but these are four friends and this is a memory that will never be forgotten. :)

Many people would also question the appearance of these peoples' faces... but yet again, there is joy and innocence in this.

All of that to say... this was a blast!! Between gales of laughter, dangerous knives, cocoa puffs, bobble heads, Jonas brothers, and gooie plastic lizards.... four friends came together for this picture!

Drama in life and other such things associated with times like these...

Sometimes things in life just don't go quite according to plan. Such was my Thursday. What was so special about this day? Well , it was supposed to be my audition for Cedarville University. Corina was going to meet me at church and video it, then we were going to her house to send it via email. Simple process... right? I guess not, because it turned into a ordeal that neither one of us ever thought possible.
Now that I think about it though, it all started the night before. I was emailing my friend Caleb, and asking him about a few things regarding sending the recording, but when he found out what kind of video camera it was (we were originally going to use Corina's) he flipped out and said that it wouldn't work. So I re-did my plans and my friend Kelsey offered to lend me her camera. I got all of that squared away and went to bed quite happy with the thought that I had been saved from anything going wrong. Such was not the case.
I arrived at church the next day ready to play for my audition. Corina and my mom arrived, then camera was set up and then we recorded the audition. It went ok and then we left for Corina's. When we arrived we had something to eat and started figuring out how to get the video sent. This was at 2:00 in the afternoon. At 3:00 no progress except in the amount of stress we were both feeling. Finally I began calling people. My list of contacts became a list of who might possible have a firewire. I called so many people, texted people, and freaked out on the phone. Then I waited... still nothing. Then we had an idea... my mom was still in town and so she went and bought that firewire cable for us. What a relief!
Except it didn't end there. All those people that I had called or texted began returning my calls. My phone was busy for the next 2 hours.
I could tell you that this was the end of the story, but that's not true. When we finally got the firewire, then we had to get the recording onto the computer. That took another 1/2 hour. Then we couldn't figure out how to get in from one computer to the next (the one with Internet). Caleb was going to remote access the computer and then Corina got it to work. But first it had to reformat the recording. Another long wait, and in the mean time I went home for a little bit. I arrived back at Corina's house 1 hour later only to find that it was just finishing condensing (or whatever the word is) and about 10 minutes later it was sent. By then it was 6:30, which meant it was 8:30 Ohio time. My stress dissipated only to be replaced another kind of stress. What if it was too late? I left with Vanessa for dinner and time at Woods. While at Woods I received an email from the professor at CU saying that he had received the audition, that it wasn't late, and that he would review it with others the next day. And so after all the stress and preparing, I now wait. And wait. And WAIT. Soon I will know what the outcome of that audition is... but in the meantime I can do nothing but wait ( and check email).

4 Crazy People STORM 2 Anacortes!

This is what happens when 4 crazy people go to Anacortes to watch a Storm basketball game. Storm WON by the way!!! I will let the pictures explain the trip!!!


Eating McFlurries!!

Pre-game

Our team doing their "dance"

Post-game happiness!!!! Yay Storm!

Yes, well... no explanation

Tough dudes...

Peace Out!

Normalness!

Sound asleep... NOT!

My new hairstyle!

Listening to the NewBoys!

Grant's new hair... lol

What a night!!! It was soooo much fun! We rocked out in the car, ate ice cream, and laughed till our sides hurt. On top of that we watched the best basketball team win! These are memories I will never forget.