I am here

The past couple weeks have been hard.
My heart has felt bombarded by sadness, loneliness, and desperation.
My times with Jesus have been hard to come by, in the midst of midterms and life.

Last week as I was singing in choir, the Lord spoke to me.
Out of seemingly nowhere.  But maybe if I had been listening better before that I might have heard Him.
But this day, God was graciously louder in my life.
It had been a long week, my joy was being sucked away from every direction.  I felt like I was failing and falling and not sure anymore.

And it was in that moment, as I was singing... that His voice came and said "I am here.  I am present in this room.  I am here with you.  I am honored by your heart and love for me."
That was it.  Those words.  Exactly.
I am not making it up.  I couldn't come up with those words in that time.  No way.  Only God could.
That was one of the biggest encouragements.
Maybe you doubt that was really God.
But when you hear His voice, its like... WOW.  On your knees in awe and worship.  In that moment I would have been on my knees in a second if I could have... the presence of God was so strong.  I am still overwhelmed and grateful.
So trust me.  It was Him.  I am grateful for Him speaking loudly, graciously, and so lovingly into my heart that was struggling between the world trying to drown out His voice and a desire to live intimately with Him.

Those precious moments of His voice, speak volumes to me of His faithfulness.

Psalm 36:5

"Your steadfast love, O Lord, extends to the heavens,

your faithfulness to the clouds."

Happiest

"When you're able to confess Him as the Supreme Ruler overall things and to confess that He is your Lord and you are His possession, then at that point, you are the happiest of people. You could not get any happier.  Nothing could happen that could be so wonderful, that it could possibly be better than the happiness you have in the Lordship and the Supremacy of Jesus Christ."  ~Graham Cooke

Musings of a child of God

Friends... I must write this out. God has been working in my heart and opening up my eyes to certain issues lately, and for that I am truly grateful. It has been painful, wonderful, and stretching. Sometimes I can't think anymore because my mind hurts. And so, in a feeble attempt to organize my thoughts, I thought I would write it all for you all to see. Think what you will, pray hard, and consider.

Through our own personal walks with Jesus we each grow and learn more about our Saviour. We are refined, and taught, and encouraged. But we are always learning.

Things change through life as we discover more about God's grace and love and also about how we need to let those qualities live through us and affect our relationships with others.

Just because we made mistakes in the past doesn't mean that we were horrible and awful and that that previous life should be forgotten. I think God created us to learn from the past and even amongst all the bad, there are still positive kernels in there. We just have to look. And sometimes hard.

Grace is not an excuse for sin, nor is it an excuse to act the way we want no matter what. Grace is a marvelous and undeserved gift from God that we are to use for His glory and His glory alone. When I think about the fact that God loves me unconditionally and no matter what I do, I am still His child, my brain starts spinning. But that amazing gift we have does not mean we live our way. Oh how it should motivate, inspire and will us to live for Jesus... to live only for His great name!

Does this all make sense? Am I rambling? Probably, but thats ok.
My last point... God is great, we are not, His plans are perfect, and ours are messed up. So how can we view our spiritual growth of the past as negative when it is all God's doing?? We don't live in a perfect world, hence we aren't perfect... our churches aren't perfect, and what we do isn't perfect. But we should strive to live for Jesus... for He is perfection.
I guess what I am trying to say is that I believe it is wrong to see our past as negative and bad and full of error. Truthfully it is full of errors that we made: the sin we committed... but what happens in our lives occurs through God's will and we must learn and grow from it but at the same time thank Him for His love.
I love my Savior and am so grateful for the undeserved grace He bestowed on little wretched me and I pray that my life will be one that shines brightly for Him.

Is HE enough?

Is God enough?
No, is He truly enough?
Is He truly enough for each one of us?

These are questions we need to ask ourselves. The questions are not meant to question God's authourity and wisdom, but rather they are meant to question our finite, human, and weak hearts. It constantly humbles me to see how I think that myself and what I do is enough, and then... BOOM! I stumble and fall flat on my face, only to see once again my desperate need to believe, know, and live the fact that God is enough.

Time after time, just when I think I have the idea of "God is enough" learned, I fall. But God is so good! I praise Him that He never wearies in bringing me right back to Him. I feel like a foolish little kid who keeps trying to dart away... forgetting that they are wearing one of those little harnesses that their parents have control of. Ah, how simple and foolish we can be.

I so desperately want to be able to just hand over control of my life and desires to God and then just sit back and let life happen. But that is not how God designed life and being a Christian to work. We struggle... struggle hard, and there are definitely battles to fight. How can we be refined if we are never heated to extreme levels and if we are never tested?

It seems like lately, God has been showing me this "false" dependence on Him. I think that I KNOW, but I don't know. What a idiot I can be! I mean seriously! Like I think I know what I am doing with life... wow! Earth to Hannah! *slaps head* Each time, I say to myself "ok, so now that this has happen you need to not do stuff like this again". But do I listen?? Gracious no!!

I guess what I am trying to say is that God's grace, faithfulness, patience, and forgiveness are so huge and big and wonderful. I feel so inadequate and unworthy of this, and yet at the same time I feel so very blessed and encouraged. God still loves me, He wants the best for me (Not always MY best for me), but most of all He wants me to shine so very brightly for Him. I must live for Him, and Him alone. And if I live this way... He WILL be enough for me and I will need no other earthly thing or person to fill me up and make me happy and content. What a blessed thought!!

The Sweet Love of our Savior

Stop for a moment. Stop and consider your Savior and His great love for you. Let it wrap around you and awe you. This love is amazing! The greatest and awesomest being in the universe has chosen to love us... mankind, who is the lowliest and most sinful. Wow! Are you getting excited???? I am!

Romans 8:28-29
"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren."
First, God has the most perfect plan in every situation and it is so cool that we can rest in the fact that no matter what happens, it is for our good. Then there is the marvelous thought that He predestined us. He knew before the foundation of the world that we were going to be His.

Romans 8:37-39
"Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing shall be able to seperate us fromt the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
This verse makes my heart sing. Nothing... NOTHING can keep us from God's love. It goes with us wherever we go. Praise the Lord!

Colossians 1:13-14
"He has delivered us from the power of darkness and conveyed us into the kingdom of the Son of His love, in whom we have redemtion through His blood, the forgiveness of sins."
We have forgiveness of sins! Through His blood we can be saved and have eternal life.

Ephesians 2:8-10
"For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them."
It is not my works that has saved me but the grace of God. He reached down and plucked me out of that pit of sin and wrong and it was ALL him.

Ephesians 3:20-21
"Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen."

Stop again. Consider how blessed you are... consider your God who chose to save even though we were as dead. Praise Him, worship Him, adore Him... this is OUR GOD!