Like a Handprint on my heart

The haunting melody of “Ubi Caritas” floats in the air spinning and twirling as it hits the ancient stones above and comes to rest gently and softly on the ears of the listeners.  The cathedral is vast… tall, wide, long; built of stone and beautifully ornate inside.  But the visuals aren’t the focus of that moment.  Instead both singer and listener alike are captivated by the sounds that fill the slightly chilled air.  It is a melody filled with the idea of love for God and each other.  In the heart of each singer beats a love for music and for one another.  Although the words have been sung countless times, each singer sings it with a fresh energy, for this is perhaps the last time they will ever sing together in a place like this.  This is one moment in time that will forever be in the past, so they must live to the fullest in the present.  With focused breath and intent eyes they watch their conductor, yet the emotion and truth of the moment is apparent.  The conductor moves in a beautifully seamless dance that inspires and wills the singers to follow, her face expressing the same emotion as the choir. For those two minutes of wafting angelic sounds, all pain and sorrow, frustration and confusion is lost.  It is replaced by a sense of purpose and of belonging.  No longer are they solo singers, instead they are a living and breathing unit, working in sync to create perfect harmonies. 

As I sing, my eyes begin to cloud over with tears and my heart quickens.  I am stunned once again at the emotion of our music.  Each moment is precious and never to be taken for granted.  The voices around me swell as the musical phrase arcs.  I breathe deeply and feel the stability and support around me.  This is community.  Then, it hits me, and the tears spill from the corners of my eyes: these experiences are about to be over, never to be again repeated.  These people, who have entered my life, have changed me for forever.  The beauty, good, and friendship they have brought into my life overwhelms me, and it is in that moment that I truly begin to see the absolute honor and blessing to claim a community like this choir.  There truly is no such feeling as when you belong. 

These other singers... they are people who have entered my life over time, making me forget what life was like without them.  They have become my family.  They have become my inspiration and challenge.  Our time together is short and perhaps will never occur again.  This makes me thankful for the undeserved blessing of being with them.  Pictures of smiles and hugs and tears and laughter flash across my memory.  I look around me once again, feeling the surge of emotional energy as the song comes to an end.  The moments are quickly moving into history and I know there is no other group of people that I would rather make history with. 

So thank you Concert Choir for welcoming me, loving me, and allowing me to be part of a team that creates love, memories, and music.  Traveling to Europe with you was one of most memorable and moving experiences of my life.  My heart is overflowing with gratefulness.  You have helped keep the song in my heart and the smile on my face.  My life has been changed by each of you.  I am humbled. 

One of the best ways to sum this up....lyrics from “For Good” from the musical “Wicked”.  When I heard these I burst into tears, because it seemed as though they had been written specifically for this time. 

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend.

I Am From

 

I am from grace.

I am from undeserved Mercy coming to earth,

From beautiful Humility hanging on a tree,

From true Love bearing the price of all sins.

 

I am from a people full of death,

I am from a people extended forgiveness,

Given hope and new life.

 

I am from a legacy of miracles.

I am from a story written by God,

From a future planned by the Almighty,

From a present guided by its Creator.

 

I am from being born twice so I can die once.

I am from surrendering my life for eternal life.

I am from no fear of death.

 

I am from a love so deep I will never understand.

I am from a peace that boggles human concepts.

From a joy no man can fully grasp,

From a belonging that every being desperately longs for.

 

I am from unexplainable patience.

I am from deep rejoicing in the heavens.

I am from “Little child, come to me.”

 

I am from a battlefield filled with the enemy.

I am from an army led by the great Lord,

From a country that will never end,

And a people bought with His blood.

 

I am from trials and temptations.

I am from forgiveness that washes.

I am from “Well done good and faithful servant.”

 

I am from pain and suffering and hurt.

I am from giving up my pride and dreams,

From running a race with endurance,

From falling and being picked up again and again.

 

I am from a God who adoringly fashioned my being.

I am from a God who called and commanded.

I am from once a sinner and now a saint.

 

I am from living for the King of Kings.

I am from worship and prayer,

From my soul screaming out,

From a God who hears all things.

 

I am from a Father.

I am from a Friend who never fails.

I am from a Lover who unashamedly loves.

I am from a Lion who pads by my side.

 

I am from my past that no longer matters.

I am from a future in glory.

I am from the only I AM.

there are four

Forrest, Nick,     me    , Colton, Brett

(L to R)

For some strange reason, when it comes to accompanying guys, I have only played piano for tenors. 
Maybe that means something, I don't know.  I guess tenors are just my forte. 
I do know though that the four tenors pictured above are awesome.  And I also know that with each of them I am part of four crazy good teams. 
Two are new, two are old.  Meaning two I have only recently started playing for and two I have been playing with for a while now.
But no matter.  They are all still MY tenors.
Yes, I am slightly possessive, maybe a tiny bit motherly, and totally proud of them. 
Each one is different with varying personalities, which makes my job even cooler.
I appreciate their willingness to work with me and contribute to the collaboration that is a pianist and singer.

Forrest:  Freshman.  Insanely light tenor voice.  Hilarious.  Caring.  Its only been about three weeks that we have been a team, but its a great working team.  I might have scared him in the beginning and he does think I am crazy, but I don't care.  I love that I can tell him to change something or learn something, and it is done.  He is a hard worker and is going to go far in music.  I will never forget the day he came in all excited because he could conduct and "dang, I look good doing it".  LOL
I am also thankful for his caring heart and for the many times he asks "Hannah, how are you?" and means it.  I am so excited for these next years as we grow as a team and friends. 

Nick:  Sophomore/Transfer.  Wonderfully ringing and rich tenor.  Sincere.  Determined. Humble.  It has been about three weeks of collaboration as well, but its awesome.  When this guy sings, its unreal.  He tries so hard... he is a perfectionist in a good way, but so humble.  I appreciate Nick's desire to get it right and understand it.  Consistency is key in music but yet so hard.  He knows that and is constantly working to keep that.  When he sings "Comfort you", I always feel peaceful, legitimately comforted.  Its so cool.  Another great thing about his singing is that he puts emotion into what he does.  He doesn't sing something without thinking about it, it comes from his heart.  I am also thankful for his sensitivity.  He always expresses his gratefulness, something which I don't take for granted.  It means a lot when someone says "thank you" from the heart.  I am thrilled to get to collaborate with a fellow music ed major! 

Colton: Junior.  Multi-faceted tenor.  Passionate.  Committed.  Trying to describe Colton is almost impossible.  He almost always bounces off the walls and is constantly making me smile.  Aside from being one of my tenors, he is also one of my best friends.  This kid never stops trying, is always pushing forward, and constantly looking for ways to improve.  His singing never ceases to amaze me, and even though I love hearing him sing classical, when he sings musical theater, I cry.  Every time.  His heart shines through in his singing.  There is a quote that describes us quite well: "You and I are more than friends.  We're like a really small gang."  That is in height and friendship.  ;)

Brett: Junior.  Rich, wide-ranged tenor.  Loyal.  Three years ago, Brett was my first tenor, I was his first accompanist.  From day one I was blown away by his voice (and the fact he could read music - he still likes to mention my shock when he sang the right notes, haha).  I still am.  After three years, we get each other so well.  I know his strengths, weaknesses and tendencies when singing and he knows what I will do in basically any situation.  A lot of things are unspoken now.  We just get it.  That is one of the beauties of accompanying people for a long time.  I have watched Brett grow from an uncertain, tentative, following freshman, to a strong, confident, well-rounded junior who leads.  I am thankful for his caring spirit, joy, and friendship.   A practice is not complete without a chat about life.  :)

In closing, I can't say enough about how much these guys mean to me.  Its people like them that make what I do so worthwhile. Working with them teaches me so much about music, people, teaching, learning, and collaboration.  But it also gives me some great friendships.  Their encouragement, sensitivity, and care to and for me is precious and priceless.  I am beyond blessed.

p.s. Post coming soon on my MEZZOS!!!!

As when you belong

I looked down the line of singers, faces barely lit by the faint glimmer of the candles held in their hands... the room dark, still, peaceful, waiting.
The air was heavy with expectancy as the audience waited to listen to our next song. 
The first notes of the altos floated throughout the room, filling every space, reaching every ear, touching every soul. 

Sometimes you have moments of an extreme sense of belonging, of knowing without a shadow of a doubt that you are in the right place.  This moment was one of them.  Hearing, participating, giving music together... oh, that is precious. 

Nothing quite compares to the beauty found in the unity of a choir.  In the joy of a choir.  In the energy, presence, and camaraderie. 

In that moment, I was filled with such joy and pride and sadness and longing and peace.... it hit me that one day, in the very near future, these moments would end.  The next season of life would begin, no more choir like that.  For a split second my heart sank in complete desperation to hang on tightly to every moment.  But then I realized, I have memories, and friendships, and experiences to remind me of the beauty of those moments.  Once finished, those moments still affect, still comfort, still energize. 

And so, I know that those moments remind me to cherish every rehearsal, concert, and choir member even more. 
Thank you Concert Choir for bringing beauty and joy to my life.  I have so much love for you.