Us three

When I first started university, I never really thought that I would be able to find some good and true friends. You know the kind that you can do anything with, that kind that love you no matter what, and the kind that love Jesus more than they love you.

But, God was faithful and He blessed me with two amazing friends: Liz and Ulya! Ah, I am not sure how I would have made it through this school year without them. Their joy, love for the Lord, musical talent, and sweet friendship mean so much to me.

What amazing memories we have together too. Being in many of the same classes over the last three quarters has provided us with awesome memories. I love the nights we have spent studying for our history tests... sprawled out on the floor (candy and popcorn surrounded us) with books, notes, and pencils while we endeavor to be studios. Those times of studying always contain many long moments of random conversation, hysterical laughter, or loud yawns.We have spent the night in the computer lab at school as we worked on huge research papers... but during that time we also Facebooked, listened to music, ate candy, and sang the "Coconut" song out loud.

But that adventure wouldn't be complete without a walk around campus at 4:15am as we tried to find unlocked doors, nor would it be right without us finally taking a short nap on one of the practice room floors.

The three of us consistently celebrate seemingly tiny accomplishments... such as juries be done, or history tests or papers completed. But we make each outing a adventure... one in which we always try to do something we have never done.

We have a list... a very LONG list of things we want to do, places we want to go, foods we want to eat, and movies we want to watch... together. Slowly, that list is getting done... but all the while it gets added to.

The three of us are very different.

Ulya is organized, on-time, neat, sweet, caring, and beautiful...

Liz is funny, quick, tender-hearted, and beautiful.

I am... well, we will skip that part.

But then on the other hand...

Uyla worries and therefore I strive to quell those worries.

Liz is late and last minute... and for that I consistently wish her a merry Christmas.

And I am silly, foolish at times, and crazy.

We play piano together, walk to our cars together, eat together, sing together, and study together. I think that people in our department have begun to associate the three of us together. If we go to a concert... we sit together. If we study for a test... we study together.

Even now, I am sitting with them, as the three of us work on our history papers. We are quiet as we type and listen to music. But every once in a while somebody says something... its all part of it. We are sad if we don't see each other for more than a day, and after they return from a weekend home, it feels like I haven't seen them in years. They are the type of friends you feel like you have known forever! I love that about them.

But the best part of this friendship is that we all love Jesus. It is such a huge blessing to me that the three of us can pray together and share our struggles. These two girls have encouraged me and prayed for me so many times over these last 3 quarters. Their encouragement, wisdom, joy, and love have brought me closer to Christ and provided with motivation and inspiration.

I praise the Lord for these wonderful and beautiful women He has placed in my life! And Liz and Uyla, I love you my friends!

Heavy eyes, books, piano keys, and so on...

There are only ummm, some weeks left in this quarter.
I would count how many weeks, but that requires a certain amount of brain power... of which I do not have at this moment.
My eyes feel like they weigh like 5lbs. each!! Ugg... and they water and want to close. My books are stacking up in my locker, by my bed, in my car, and any place I can manage to store them. The stacks of notes, handouts, research articles, copied music, and random papers is verging on uncontrolled size. Piano keys are the most touched thing at this moment, and when I close my eyes, I see black and white.
My head is spinning with Nationalistic music, A-tonality, secondary dominants, Chopin etudes, and music.
Choir concert in 4 days, must get my dress out. Doing somebody's hair for the orchestra concert. Piano juries in 2 weeks. My own concert in 1 week.
Running a 1/2 marathon in 2 weeks... playing piano for church, for accompanying. And yup, I am still able to smile. Life is soooo good... so crazy full though!
So, basically, I will see everyone in June!! After finals!! :)

Goodbye security... hello insecurity

I like my security. I like knowing everybody around me, knowing where I am going, whats going to happen, and just pretty much everything there is to know. But there are those times when none of things apply to my life. Its like my legs get taken out from underneath me, and I guess its a good thing. *sigh* The funny part is that most of the time I know that these times are coming and I can't do a thing about them. Hahaha... but I fight like mad anyways.
What does this have to do with anything????
Last night I signed my life away! No, just kidding. I officially signed up and joined one of the leadership teams at a campus ministry. The scary part for me is that as I walked into orientation and the first meeting for the 2010-2011 school year I literally knew one person out of the 50ish people there. Let's just say that I left knowing about 15.
But the time in between me realizing I knew one person and then the time of me leaving with 15 known persons on my belt was rather long, stressful, and scary. (yes, I do get scared...lol)
I go through this little talk inside me... it goes something along the lines of this...

Wisdom: "Look welcoming... don't have the petrified, dear-in-the-headlights look"
Brain: "I can't! I am so scared. Can I just crawl in a hole and die??? Please??"
Wisdom: " No! Get a life! How many times have you had to start from the beginning with making friends?"
Brain: "It was never like THIS. I want to go home. I don't like being grown-up."
Wisdom: "It is ALWAYS like "this". Wimp. Grow up."
Brain: "Breathe"
Wisdom: "Breathe. Pray. Pray. Smile. Pray."

Somehow it always works out. :)
In this little stretches of my sanity, I learn once again to put my trust in God and to love those around me. Its not something I like to learn in this way, but obviously God is trying to work in my life. He is trying each day to get me to trust more completely in Him... in the big and small things of life. Even meeting new people.

Is HE enough?

Is God enough?
No, is He truly enough?
Is He truly enough for each one of us?

These are questions we need to ask ourselves. The questions are not meant to question God's authourity and wisdom, but rather they are meant to question our finite, human, and weak hearts. It constantly humbles me to see how I think that myself and what I do is enough, and then... BOOM! I stumble and fall flat on my face, only to see once again my desperate need to believe, know, and live the fact that God is enough.

Time after time, just when I think I have the idea of "God is enough" learned, I fall. But God is so good! I praise Him that He never wearies in bringing me right back to Him. I feel like a foolish little kid who keeps trying to dart away... forgetting that they are wearing one of those little harnesses that their parents have control of. Ah, how simple and foolish we can be.

I so desperately want to be able to just hand over control of my life and desires to God and then just sit back and let life happen. But that is not how God designed life and being a Christian to work. We struggle... struggle hard, and there are definitely battles to fight. How can we be refined if we are never heated to extreme levels and if we are never tested?

It seems like lately, God has been showing me this "false" dependence on Him. I think that I KNOW, but I don't know. What a idiot I can be! I mean seriously! Like I think I know what I am doing with life... wow! Earth to Hannah! *slaps head* Each time, I say to myself "ok, so now that this has happen you need to not do stuff like this again". But do I listen?? Gracious no!!

I guess what I am trying to say is that God's grace, faithfulness, patience, and forgiveness are so huge and big and wonderful. I feel so inadequate and unworthy of this, and yet at the same time I feel so very blessed and encouraged. God still loves me, He wants the best for me (Not always MY best for me), but most of all He wants me to shine so very brightly for Him. I must live for Him, and Him alone. And if I live this way... He WILL be enough for me and I will need no other earthly thing or person to fill me up and make me happy and content. What a blessed thought!!