I like my security. I like knowing everybody around me, knowing where I am going, whats going to happen, and just pretty much everything there is to know. But there are those times when none of things apply to my life. Its like my legs get taken out from underneath me, and I guess its a good thing. *sigh* The funny part is that most of the time I know that these times are coming and I can't do a thing about them. Hahaha... but I fight like mad anyways.
What does this have to do with anything????
Last night I signed my life away! No, just kidding. I officially signed up and joined one of the leadership teams at a campus ministry. The scary part for me is that as I walked into orientation and the first meeting for the 2010-2011 school year I literally knew one person out of the 50ish people there. Let's just say that I left knowing about 15.
But the time in between me realizing I knew one person and then the time of me leaving with 15 known persons on my belt was rather long, stressful, and scary. (yes, I do get scared...lol)
I go through this little talk inside me... it goes something along the lines of this...
Wisdom: "Look welcoming... don't have the petrified, dear-in-the-headlights look"
Brain: "I can't! I am so scared. Can I just crawl in a hole and die??? Please??"
Wisdom: " No! Get a life! How many times have you had to start from the beginning with making friends?"
Brain: "It was never like THIS. I want to go home. I don't like being grown-up."
Wisdom: "It is ALWAYS like "this". Wimp. Grow up."
Brain: "Breathe"
Wisdom: "Breathe. Pray. Pray. Smile. Pray."
Somehow it always works out. :)
In this little stretches of my sanity, I learn once again to put my trust in God and to love those around me. Its not something I like to learn in this way, but obviously God is trying to work in my life. He is trying each day to get me to trust more completely in Him... in the big and small things of life. Even meeting new people.
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