Forever types

I think I have probably watched my video footage of classes, rehearsals, tour, and random moments at least a hundred times by now.  And I have flipped through the hundreds of pictures at least that many times.  I check my school email multiple times a day, hoping for an email from a student or a late piece of homework being turned in.  Half the time there is a message, half the time there isn't. 
Every memory... I want to desperately hold on to it.  I replay the funny parts, the sad and stressful parts, and those goose bump moments of pure magic over and over in my head.  I smile and laugh and sigh.

It has only been 9 days since I boarded a plane 5,000 miles away.  In that moment I felt so adult... doing what I was supposed to, facing the real world, being somewhat mature.  But never have I wanted to be a child more... and turn around and run back.  Leaving my kids and my brief teaching life was just about the hardest thing I have ever had to do.  It broke my heart.  My heart is still broken, and I am not sure how to pick up the pieces.  I know that God will guide and direct and heal, and that is a great comfort. 

In the last assembly I gave before coming home, I told the entire student body that 'I have the best life.  I have met you all'.  That still stands... meeting them... it rocked my world.  They changed me through their love, laughter, smiles, sadness, and humanity.  The seemingly endless five years of university prepared me for so many things in teaching, but never for falling in love with my students as a whole.  So many beautiful and brilliant people, filled with dreams and passions and talents.  Being with them for four months was unbelievably humbling. 

Many people tell me that there will be more students in my future and more love.  I know that.  And believe it.  But it doesn't make the broken heart heal any faster.  And I think in a sense, everyone is actually a bit wrong.  Because... these special people that I spend four months of my life with, will forever be in my heart.  They were my first real students with my first full lesson plans, and first full programs and first full tours and first full mess ups.... with them I experienced my first tears, fits of laughter, life stories, stacks of homework to grade, nervous moments before a concert, and heartfelt music making. 

Twenty years from now, I know I will still remember those sets of eyes twinkling with joy over music made, or the head thrown back in laughter, the tears running down a tired and confused face, or the moments where students told me how much they enjoyed learning from me.  Those are the forever type of memories.  I'm ever so grateful.  Even if I never see these precious people again, they will stay in my heart for the rest of my life.  That is what happens when people change you.